Are you ready to embark on a laughter-filled journey that will leave you clutching your sides in pure delight? Brace yourself, my dear readers, for we are about to delve into the realm of adult humor, where inhibitions are thrown out the window and laughter knows no boundaries. Today, we present to you a collection of 65 adult jokes that are guaranteed to make your sides hurt from laughing!
Laughter, my friends, is a universal language that transcends age, culture, and background. It is a beautiful escape from the mundane, a cathartic release that brings people together. And when it comes to adult jokes or funny puns, there is a certain undeniable charm that tickles our funny bones in ways we never thought possible. So, whether you have a naughty sense of humor or simply enjoy a good chuckle that pushes the boundaries of decency, this blog post is tailor-made for you.
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Funny Adult Jokes questions and answers
1. Why isn’t there a pregnant Barbie doll?
Ken came in another box.
2. What do you do when your cat’s dead?
“Play with the neighbor’s p*ssy instead.”
3. What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common?
A wet nose.
4. What does one saggy BOOB say to the other saggy BOOB?
If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re nuts.
5. Why does a mermaid wear seashells?
She outgrew her B-shells.
6. I just had sex on an elevator.
It was great on so many levels.
7. What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?
Hold on to your nuts; this ain’t no ordinary blow job.
8. What goes in hard and dry but comes out soft and wet?
Gum
9. Why is Santa’s sack so big?
Because he only comes once a year.
10. What is 6.9?
A good thing ruined by a period.
11. What comes after 69?
Mouthwash.
12. What did the penis say to the condom?
Cover me, I’m going in.
13. What are the three shortest words in the English language?
Is it in?
14. What’s the difference between a hockey player and a hippie chick?
The hockey player takes a shower after three periods.
15. Why is being in the military like a blow job?
The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel
16. How to they say “fuck you” in Los Angles?
Trust me
17. What did the penis say to the vagina?
Don’t make me come in there!
18. Why are men like diapers?
They’re usually full of shit, but thankfully disposable.
19. What did one butt cheek say to the other?
Together we can stop this shit.
20. What did one butt cheek say to the other butt cheek after the clients leave?
Despite this deep shit, we’re still together.
21. What kind of food does a lesbian love?
Anything they can eat out.
22. What do wives and hurricanes have in common?
On arrival, they’re wet and wild. When they leave, they take the house and car with them.
23. How is a wife like a freezer?
It takes hours of defrosting to get either really wet.
24. What did the egg say to the boiling water?
“Sorry, it’s going to take me a second to get hard. I just got laid by some chick!”
25. What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
She choked.
26. Why does it take 100 million sp*rm to fertilize one egg?
“Because they won’t stop to ask directions.”
27. What do you do if your wife starts smoking?
“Slow down and use some lubricant.”
28. Girl: “Hey, what’s up?”
Boy: “If I tell you, will you sit on it?”
29. How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress her up as an altar boy.
30. A daughter asked her mother, Mom, how do you spell scrotum?
“Her mom replied, “Honey, you should have asked me last night — it was on the tip of my tongue.”
Best One Liner Adult Jokes
31. A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, “Anything you say can and will be held against you.” The man replies, “Boobs!”
32. My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
33. Sex without condoms is magical… A baby appears and the father disappears.
34. Without women sex would be a pain in the ass.
35. It is a sin to put it in, but it’s a shame to pull it out.
36. If you were born in September, it’s pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.
37. My girlfriend came out of the shower and said “I shaved my pussy, you know what that means? I said, “Yeah, the drain is clogged again.”
38. Sex is like pizza, if you’re going to use bbq sauce you better know what the fuck you’re doing.
39. You know you’ve got a high sperm count when she has to chew before she swallows.
40. Don’t judge women by kilos, and you won’t be judged by centimeters.
41. Men and women can be friends without any sex involved. It’s called marriage.
41. I used to date an English teacher, but they dumped me for improper use of the colon.
42. I was at the dentist the other day and he says to me “This might sting a little bit, Are you prepared?” I said “Yes”. He then went on to say “I am sleeping with your wife.”
43. After sex last night my new girlfriend snuggled up to me and said, “You know, you’re easily the biggest I’ve ever had.”
44. We can go out for dinner, as long as I can have you for dessert.
45. If women with big tits work at Hooters, where do women with only one leg work? IHOP
46. What do you call an afghan virgin – Never Bin Laid On.
47. I think sex is better than logic, but I can’t prove it.
48. Owls always look like they just saw a penis for the first time.
49. Scientists have proven that there are two things in the air that have been known to cause women to get pregnant: their legs.
50. Do you need a carpenter? Because I could nail you then hammer you.
Hilarious Husband and Wife Adult Jokes
51. What have wives and condoms got in common?
If they’re not on your dick they’re in your wallet.
52. What do toys and your wife’s breasts have in common?
They were both originally made for kids, but dad ends up playing with.
53. I asked my wife to let me know next time she has an orgasm.
She said she doesn’t like to bother me when I’m at work.
54. Why are women more talkative than men?
Because they have four lips.
55. What’s the difference between a prostitute and a wife?
A wife accepts credit cards.
56. How does a man really satisfy his wife in bed?
By sleeping on the sofa.
57. What is the first thing a man puts in a woman when they get married?
The wedding ring.
58. What is a long, wide thing that men carry hanging in front of it?
Tie.
59. Why do wives like to have sex with the lights off?
They can’t stand to see their husbands have a good time!
60. What are the small bumps around a woman’s nipples for?
It’s Braille for “suck here”.
61. I saw my wife putting on her sexy underwear this morning. This can only mean one thing.– It’s laundry day.
62. I asked my wife if I was the only one she had been with. She said “yes, the others were all 8’s and 9’s outta 10.”
63. My wife’s fantasy is to be with another man. Mine is to have two girls at the same time.
64. Wife comes back from the doctor and says to her husband: Honey, I have sad news – a gynecologist told me not to have sex for three weeks…Husband: And what the dentist said?
65. If you don’t believe in oral sex, keep your mouth shut.
Wrapping up
As we wrap up this blog post, we have explored the realm of adult jokes and explored different types of adult jokes. From funny questions and answers to the best one-liners, and even hilarious husband and wife jokes, there is no shortage of laughter-inducing content for those seeking a little adult humor.
It is important to note that while adult jokes can provide entertainment and laughter, they should always be used with caution. Humor varies from person to person, and something that might amuse one person could come across as offensive or unsuitable to someone else. Therefore, it is crucial to be mindful of your audience and the context in which you share these jokes.
