Let’s face it: Our dads told us all a joke. We always remember dad jokes from when we were kids or even up to the present day during family dinners or special occasions, whether they were humorous or hilariously so bad. Dads are usually on hand with plenty of jokes to tell everyone.
In light of this, let’s look at some of the Best dad jokes, Corny Dad Jokes, Funny Dad jokes, Bad dad jokes, Dad jokes for kids, New Dad jokes, Dad jokes on Reddit, Dad jokes on Twitter, and extra jokes out there.
READ THIS NEXT: 70 Dirty jokes that are actually funny
The Best Dad Jokes
1. Did you hear about the chameleon who couldn’t change color?
He had a reptile dysfunction.
2. What did the police officer say to his belly-button?
You’re under a vest.
3. What concert costs just 45 cents?
50 Cent featuring Nickelback!
4. Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you.
That’s the punch line.
5. I’m really excited for the amateur autopsy club I just joined.
Thursday is open Mike night!
6. This graveyard looks overcrowded.
People must be dying to get in there.
7. What’s Thano’s favorite social media app?
Snapchat.
8. Why do some couples go to the gym?
Because they want their relationship to work out.
9. Why is Peter Pan always flying?
Because he Neverlands.
10. What is the scariest tree?
BamBOO!
11. What did the drummer call his twin daughters?
Anna one, Anna two!
12. Dad, can you put the cat out?
I didn’t know it was on fire.
13. I’ve never gone to a gun range before.
I decided to give it a shot!
14. I didn’t want to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a traffic cop, but when I got home, all the signs were there.
15. Why did the eggs all break?
Because they cracked each other up.
16. What happens when you go to the bathroom in France?
European.
17. Why was it so windy in the stadium?
There were a bunch of fans.
18. Today, my son asked, “Can I have a bookmark?” I burst into tears- 11 years old and he still doesn’t know my name is Brian.
19. What’s black and white and goes around and around?
A penguin in a revolving door.
20. To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my Word!
21. What do you call a hippie’s wife?
Mississippi.
22. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with,but I was tripping all day!
23. What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire!
24. Which bear is the most condescending?
A pan-duh!
25. My wife asked me to stop singing “Wonderwall” to her.
I said maybe…
26. How many telemarketers does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but he has to do it while you are eating dinner.
27. Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?
Because they’re so good at it.
28. What do you say to a rabbit on its birthday?
Hoppy Birthday!
29. Air used to be free at the gas station, now it’s $1.50. You know why?
Inflation.
30. I can’t take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. Guess that’s what I get for buying a pure bread dog.
31. Did you know the first French fries weren’t actually cooked in France?
They were cooked in Greece.
32. What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer.
33. I told my wife she needs to start embracing her mistakes.
So she hugged me.
34. I thought about going on an all-almond diet.
But that’s just nuts.
35. If you tell dad jokes, but you have no children…
You are a faux pa!
36. When does a joke become a “dad joke”?
When it becomes apparent.
37. My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction.
So I packed up my stuff and right.
38. How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
39. Why did the old man fall in the well?
Because he couldn’t see that well!
40. I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
Corny Dad Jokes
41. I know a lot of jokes about retired people, but none of them work.
42. What did the tomato say to the other tomato during a race?
Ketchup
43. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole in one.
44. What did the plumber say to the singer?
Nice pipes.
45. That fish wearing a bowtie is so sofishticated.
46. How do you track down Will Smith?
Follow the Fresh Prince.
47. “Knock, knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“Alabama.”
“Anybody with you?”
“Nope. I’m Alabama self.“
48. I sold our vacuum cleaner; it was just gathering dust.
49. I ordered a chicken and an egg online. I’ll let you know.
50. My kid gave me a ‘World’s Best Dad’ mug.
At least she inherited my sense of humor.
51. Why did the man fall down the well?
Because he couldn’t see that well!
52. Did you hear they arrested the devil?
Yeah, they got him on possession.
53. Why are you so afraid, calendar?
My days are numbered.
54. What happens when a snowman throws a tantrum?
He has a meltdown.
55. How do you catch a whole school of fish?
With bookworms.
56. Stop looking for the perfect match; use a lighter.
57. RIP boiled water-you will be mist.
58. If a child refuses to nap, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
59. Which U.S. state is known for its especially small soft drinks?
Minnesota.
60. How do you tell the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?
You will see one later and one in a while.
61. A friend of mine didn’t pay his exorcist.
He got repossessed.
62. Why don’t they play poker in the jungle?
Too many Cheetahs.
63. I’m so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.
64. I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine: we just get better with age.
The next day she locked me in the cellar.
65. What sound does a witch’s car make?
Broom broom!
Funny Dad jokes
We sincerely hope you’ve enjoyed our picks so far! Let’s continue the list going with the best funny dad jokes!
66. Do you think glass coffins will be a success?
Remains to be seen.
67. Why do ducks have so many tail feathers?
To cover up their butt quacks.
68. What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A palm tree!
69. How do celebrities stay cool?
They have many fans.
70. What’s the name of a very polite, European body of water?
Merci.
71. My kid wants to invent a pencil with an eraser on each end, but I just don’t see the point.
72. Try the seafood diet – you see food, then you eat it.
73. I wanted to go on a diet, but I feel like I have way too much on my plate right now.
74. Why doesn’t Dracula have any friends?
Well, honestly, he’s a real pain in the neck.
75. I was kidnapped by mimes once.
They did unspeakable things to me.
76. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
Nacho Cheese.
77. Why did the coffee call the cops?
He got mugged.
78. Sundays are always a little sad, but the day before is a sadder day.
79. Dogs can’t operate MRI machines.
But catscan.
80. What award did the knock-knock joke inventor win?
The No Bell Prize.
81. Why do we tell actors to break a leg?
Because every play has a cast.
82. What gets wetter the more it dries?
A towel.
83. Which branch of the military accepts toddlers?
The infantry.
84. You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he’s a Catholic converter.
85. What do skateboarders do when they are really good?
They GoPro.
86. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity.
It’s impossible to put down!
87. Did you hear about the scientist who was lab partner’s with a pot of boiling water?
He had a very esteemed colleague.
88. Which state has the most streets?
Rhode Island.
89. I’ve been thinking about taking up meditation.
I figure it’s better than sitting around doing nothing.
90. What did the full glass say to the empty glass?
You look drunk.
91. What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?
A can’t opener.
92. What’s the opposite of artificial intelligence?
Natural stupidity
93. What do you call a baby monkey?
A chimp off the old block.
94. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
95. I lost my job at the bank on my first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
96. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
Great food, no atmosphere.
97. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself?
It was two tired!
98. Someone has glued my pack of cards together!
I don’t know how to deal with it.
99. What did the daddy buffalo say to his son when he left for work?
Bison.
100. Why do doctors stay calm during an emergency?
They’ve got a lot of patients.
Bad Dad jokes
It seems that once dads reach a certain age, they start making incredibly bad dad jokes. Here are some bad dad jokes we all love to hate!
101. If you see a robbery at an Apple store, does that make you an Witness?
102. If towels could tell jokes, I think they’d have a very dry sense of humor.
103. I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you guys didn’t like it.
104. What kind of car does a sheep like to drive?
A Lamborghini.
105. Did you hear about the cartoonist found dead at his home?
Details are sketchy.
106. A sandwich walks into a bar.
The barman says: ‘sorry we don’t serve food here’
107. What did the police officer say to the belly button?
You’re under a vest.
108. What’s a bad wizard’s favorite computer program?
Spell check.
109. What has more letters than the alphabet?
The post office.
110. Can one bird make a joke?
No, but toucan.
111. What genre are national anthems?
Country.
112. The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.
113. Why do bananas need sunscreen?
Because they peel.
114. Want to hear a joke about construction?
Nah, I’m still working on it.
115. Why were the utensils stuck together?
They were spooning.
116. The wedding was so beautiful, even the cake was in tiers.
117. What’s blue and smells like paint?
Blue paint.
118. Can February March?
No, but April May.
119. I slept like a log last night. Woke up in the fireplace!
120. My dog used to chase people on a scooter a lot. It got so bad we had to take his scooter away.
121. Can one bird make a joke?
No, but toucan.
122. I could tell a joke about pizza, but it’s a little cheesy.
123. I dreamt about drowning in an ocean made of orange soda last night.
It took me a while to work out it was just a Fanta Sea.
124. Did you hear about the girl who quit her job at the doughnut factory?
She was fed up with the hole business.
125. When my wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo, I had to put my foot down.
126. Why is it a bad idea to iron your four-leaf clover?
Cause you shouldn’t press your luck.
127. The rotation of earth really makes my day.
128. What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
129. Do you know the last thing my grandfather said to me before he kicked the bucket?
Grandson, watch how far I can kick this bucket.
130. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
It’s ok he woke up.
Dad jokes for kids
The good news is that kids enjoy dad jokes a lot. The best dad jokes for kids are listed below.
131. What day does a chicken hate?
Fry-day.
132. Why do dogs float in water?
Because they are good buoys.
133. What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta.
134. Why did the God of Thunder stretch a lot when he was little?
He was a little Thor.
135. What’s a ninja’s favorite type of shoes?
Sneakers!
136. Why do vampires seem sick?
They’re always coffin.
137. What do you call a pony with a sore throat?
A little hoarse.
138. Why are skeletons so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
139. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Frost bite.
140. Hey kids, I got you Fortnite. But it will only last two weeks.
141. My kid just asked me, Can I have this, apple?
Guess he doesn’t know my name is Dad.
142. What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator.
143. How do you teach kids about taxes?
Eat 38% of their ice cream.
144. What do you call a mountain of cats?
Meow-tain.
145. What do you call a beehive without an exit?
Unbelievable
146. Why don’t eggs tell jokes?
Because they’d crack each other up.
147. What do you get when you coddle a cow?
Spoiled milk.
148. Did you ever notice ants don’t get sick?
They’re full of anti-bodies.
149. Dad to kid (in a serious voice)– A word of advice, kid. Never trust atoms.
They make up everything.
150. Why was Cinderella thrown off the football team?
She ran away from the ball.
151. What flies and has four wheels?
A trash truck.
152. What do you call someone who won’t fart in public?
A private tutor.
153. What is the tallest building in the world?
The library, it’s got the most stories.
154. Dad, I’m hungry.
Hi Hungry, I’m Dad.
155. How do you know carrots are good for your eyesight?
Have you ever seen a bunny wearing glasses?
156. What do you call someone with no nose and no body?
Nobody knows.
157. What do you call a band of berries playing music?
A jam session.
158. What do ghosts serve humans for dessert?
I Scream.
159. What did the slow tomato say to the others?
Don’t worry I’ll ketchup.
160. Mom is mad at me because she asked me to sync her phone, so I threw it in the ocean.
161. Justice is a dish best served cold. If it were served warm, it would be justwater.
162. Mom says I have no sense of direction.
So I packed my bags and right.
163. I want to name my puppies Rolex and Timex so I can have watch dogs.
164. Your mom and I let astrology get between us. It just Taurus apart.
165. My dog is a genius. I asked him, “What is two minus two?” He said nothing.
Fresh Dad jokes
166. I caught two guys stealing a calendar.
They both got six months
167. Why don’t fish play basketball?
They have issues with the net.
168. What did the waiter say at his job interview?
I bring a lot to the table.
169. Why is it pointless to play hide and seek with mountain ranges?
They peak.
170. I spent all night wondering where the sun was…!
Then it dawned on me
171. I know a ton of dad jokes in sign language.
I guarantee nobody has ever heard them.
172. What is the detective’s name who just lost his house?
Sherlock homeless
173. I love vegan food!
It makes an excellent side dish to any meat!
174. I just took a job where they pay me to sleep, it’s my dream job.
175. What do you call a tiny mother?
A minimum
176. You can’t run through a campground.
You have to ran because it’s past tents.
177. I was playing chess with my friend and he said ” let’s make this interesting.”
So we stopped playing chess.
178. Why are fishermen never generous?
Because their business makes them selfish.
179. My daughter thinks I’m nosy and don’t respect her boundaries.
At least, that’s what she wrote in her diary.
180. I met Bruce Lee’s vegetarian brother today.
His name is Brocko Lee.
181. What is yellow and kills you if you get it in the eyes?
A school bus
182. What do you call a German entertainer?
A kraut-pleaser.
183. Don’t be worried about your smartphone and TV spying on you…
Your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years.
184. How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it…
185. How do you recognize a gynecologist?
He usually wears his watch closer to his elbow.
Best Dad Jokes Reddit
Because people enjoy dad jokes so much, there is a subreddit called r/DadJokes where users may post the best dad jokes they can come up with. Here are the finest we have picked for you.
186. I just got hit by a can of soda!
But I think I’m okay, it was a soft drink
187. The day I turned 42, my daughter walked up to me and said “happy…”, and started timing on her watch.
After a long silence, she said…””… 40-second birthday.”
188. “I named my two dogs Rolex and Timex. They’re my watchdogs.”
190. My wife just completed a 40 week body building program this morning.
It’s a girl and weighs 7lbs 12 oz.
191. My wife found out I was cheating on her after she found all the letters I was hiding…
She got mad and said she’s never playing scrabble with me again.
192. Of all the inventions of the last 100 years, the dry erase board has to be the most remarkable.
193. Did you hear the one about the dog and the tree?
They had a long conversation about bark.
194. They say childbirth is the most painful thing anyone can experience..
Maybe I was too young to remember, But I don’t think it hurt that much..
195. It’s my wife’s birthday next week and she’s been leaving jewelry catalogs all over our house.
So I got her a magazine rack.
196. It’s a 5-minute walk from my house to the bar, but a 45-minute walk from the bar to my house.
The difference is staggering
197. “To write with a broken pencil is pointless.”
198. What weighs less? A gallon of water, or a gallon of butane?
Butane, of course. It’s the lighter fluid
199. “How do trees access the internet?
They log on.”
200. Why is ‘dark’ spelled with K and not with C?
Because you can’t C in the dark.
Dad jokes Twitter
Because people enjoy dad jokes so much, there are hashtags devoted to dad jokes like #Dadjokes where users may share the best dad jokes they can come up with.
201. How did Darth Vader know what Luke was getting for Christmas?
He felt his presents.
202. What do Mexican and Black jokes have in common?
If you’ve heard Juan, you’ve heard Jamal.
203. Why do the French eat snails?
Because they don’t like fast food.
204. I asked my date to meet at the gym, but she never showed up…
Guess the two of us aren’t going to work out.
205. I don’t know who needs to hear this…
But even if a bear wore socks and shoes he’d still have bear feet.
If you wish to move on from dad jokes, but still want to read something interesting, here are text slang words you can use while texting/chatting with someone!
